As the days moved forward, we were getting more bad news. A massive stroke is somewhat like a major earthquake. Aftershock activity happens as the vibrations filter through the land in waves, creating more disturbances. You could say that Carl had suffered a major earthquake and was suffering through the aftershocks of additional waves of seismic activity. In other words, he kept having smaller strokes. His vital signs were not good. His brain kept swelling and they couldn’t understand why. I overheard he might not survive this.
As the days moved forward, we were getting more bad news. A massive stroke is somewhat like a major earthquake. Aftershock activity happens as the vibrations filter through the land in waves, creating more disturbances. You could say that Carl had suffered a major earthquake and was suffering through the aftershocks of additional waves of seismic activity. In other words, he kept having smaller strokes. His vital signs were not good. His brain kept swelling and they couldn’t understand why. I overheard he might not survive this.
Everything I’m being told comes to me muffled and in slow motion. When someone is talking to me, I see their lips move and hear what they are saying, but honestly, my mind cannot grasp what is happening. None of it is making any sense. The initial conversations went from him being dizzy and being sent to a clinic, to today hearing he might not survive. How could this be? Yet another neurosurgeon comes in and tells me to start preparing for a burial. Please God get me out if this nightmare. Everything turns into a blurry mess through my tears of anguish, fear and the mere thought of losing my true love.
People Handle Things in Their Own Way
While all this is going on, my phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Family and friends from around the world wanted to be updated while doctors and nurses were reaching out to me at the same time. I felt as though I had to keep everyone updated on his condition while the tears kept pouring out. My brother-in-law Tom who was with me was utterly speechless and nauseated through his pain.
Tom, being a businessman, turned his anxiety to focusing in on all the paperwork that needed to be taken care of, which actually gave us both a bit of comfort, turning our minds to issues outside of all the turmoil. I was so thankful he was there by my side.
Cultural Differences
I grew up overseas in a very close-knit, involved family. If one of us hurt, we all hurt. We would come together to show love and support no matter what was going on in our lives. I know that the culture differs between America and the Mediterranean and may make us look overly attached to family, so I was almost embarrassed at feeling such a loss of not having them by my side.
A funny story just came to mind that will paint a picture of that cultural difference. Years ago, Carl and I were invited out to dinner with his family when visiting Wisconsin. We were the last to arrive and when we walked up to the table, we were lucky to hear a “Hello” out of one of them. In comparison, we also visited my hometown and were invited to dinner where we found relatives at the table who lived as far away as 100 miles and came to greet us! Everyone stood and walked to us saying hello, shaking hands and hugging. It took 20 minutes just to get through the greeting portion of the evening!
Now you might understand that being in America without my family left me feeling utterly alone. Even though our famiIies may show emotions differently, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t had my husband’s brother there to walk with me through it all.
Sweet Kisses for my Sweet
Every night before leaving Carl’s bedside, I would give him a sweet kiss, blessing him with my love and praying for his recovery. Every evening I would pick a new spot and kiss him on his cheek, his arm or his shoulder. The nurses thought it was adorable.
At the end of the day, emotionally and physically drained, Tom and I went our separate ways, late into the night back to our hotels for yet another sleepless night. How does one sleep knowing their soul mate is in danger of losing their life? How do you blot that out? How does one relax at this point? Thankfully I heard God’s Still Voice telling me to close my eyes and I was able to capture a couple of hours of sleep to escape the misery. The day had finally come to an end.