The date was July 11, 2019.
There comes a day in everyone’s life when a crack appears. It may be a small, minor opening in the sand or one that looks as if the earth is opening up to swallow you whole. My Life Crack was the latter of the two.
I was visiting a friend, thinking about the rest of my day and all the errands I still had to complete, wondering how much strength I might have left to get it all done. I was also thinking of my husband Carl and how I had dropped him off at the local airport that morning. He was a Fire Protection Engineer and was called to attend a project in Reston, Virginia. It wasn’t unusual for him to be flying off to Afghanistan or Japan or even South Korea, so it was a comfort to know he was still in the States.
The Call that Changes Everything
It was almost noon when my cell phone rings from a number that I do not recognize. A man asked to speak to Cansel Batik and when I heard him pronounce my name correctly, (pronounced Junselle) I figured he must know my husband or me. I thought that it was just another sales call but he cleared it up by telling me he worked with Carl. He introduced himself and began to unravel the life swallowing crack that was beginning to reveal itself.
He proceeded to tell me that Carl had started to feel dizzy after breakfast and out of precaution, another co-worker took him to the nearest clinic. He thought it might be a good idea for me to fly up to Virginia just to be available for Carl, because no one really knew what was going on.
At that point, I wasn’t panicking because he might just have some sugar / insulin issues happening. He’ll be fine, I told myself and I was sure he’d be back to normal in a few days. Over the 26 years we had been together, Carl never really got seriously sick. He would fight through the typical colds and the flu while maintaining his rigorous workload. He was as strong as an ox, or so I thought.
My first call was to Carl’s brother, Tom, who lived in Wisconsin to let him know what was happening. I explained I was taking the next flight out and he said he would meet me at the DC Airport. At that point, I didn’t see the need for him to come, but I didn’t say anything because in the back of my mind, it was a great comfort to know I would not be alone. I have a brother in the States but I really didn’t think it was serious enough that he was needed to be there. I calculated being able to bring Carl home in a few days, and then I would let him know what was going on.
The Crack Expands
I arrived at the airport about 2 a.m. and was told that hotel reservations would be made for me and one of Carl’s co-workers would pick me up at the airport to take me to the ‘clinic’. Little did I know what I was about to walk into. Instead of going to a ‘clinic’ as the co-worker had told me, we went straight to a hospital.
My heart seems to be wanting to beat right out of my chest as we pull into the hospital’s main lobby entrance. Why are we here and not at a clinic as I had been told? Where is my husband? What has happened to him? Is he alive? I couldn’t think straight, feeling light-headed and weak I was instructed to go to the ICU so the nurses could fill me in.
It's Okay to Let People Protect You
Nothing anyone could have told me would soften the blow of seeing his lifeless body hooked up to numerous tubes, needles and machines. I was told he was dizzy? When did it turn from being just dizzy to a massive stroke? Why hadn’t I been told the truth?
I’ll tell you why I wasn’t told the truth and excuse me while I try to add a bit of humor in the midst of tragedy. I wasn’t told the truth because if I had known the ‘truth’ I would have strangled a taxicab driver for not getting me to the airport faster, the check-in airline employee could have possibly gotten a black eye because I wasn’t invited to the front of the line, the pilot surely would have been tossed out of the plane because we weren’t flying fast enough. I mean, literally, I could have been tossed in jail the second we touched down in Virginia for murder! Lesson learned?
When facing life’s cracks, sometimes it’s better to be lied to for a while.