If you’re a fan of British TV, I would bet you know about the character of former surgeon, Doc Martin, played by Martin Clunes. Even though the series overflows with hilarious bits, the Doc has been described as cantankerous, crotchety, sullen, bad-tempered, peevish and the list goes on. His attitude goes well beyond being a bottom-line type personality to being crude and uncaring.
Did you know that doctors practicing in specialties such as neurosurgery for example, see the highest rates of malpractice lawsuits? According to the National Law Review, “researchers know who these doctors are …they are the ones who don’t communicate well with their patients.” This leads me to introduce you to our very own Doc Martin. We’re calling him Dr. G
We were being advised by two Neurosurgeons, one being Dr. G. Dealing with him didn’t rise to the level of a lawsuit by any means, but I did wonder if he would speak to me in this manner if his mother was in the room. He wasn’t from America with an accent that made it nearly impossible to understand anything he said. He would rattle out short, curt sentences while Tom and I would look at each other to see if the other understood. We both would rephrase the same questions over and over again to see if the answer would ever be more clear.
The bottom line was that his bedside manner was rough to say the least. A friend of his might just refer to him as being rude, but because of the situation, I took his callus attitude as being way off base. His aura was such that I can’t describe. He made us feel as though all hope was lost and that it might be time to start making preparations for the inevitable. I understood one thing clearly when he said, “There is nothing else we can do”.
I collapsed. I fell into the chair next to my husband, grasping his hand never wanting to let go. I am literally overtaken by crushing grief and agony. I’m wondering if this is going to be how it all ends. Had I flown to Virginia only to bring my husband’s body back to Florida in a casket? I can’t stop the tears flowing down my face, I’m beaten, my strength is gone, my hopes were trashed right there in front of me.
A Wink of Hope
I looked up and saw that Nurse Kelly had been in the room while Dr. G was giving us the “make preparations” speech. She’s been typing at the speed of lightning then turns to me, and I see tears falling from her eyes, yet she gives me a loving smile, a wink and walks out.
Kelly’s wink, for some reason, made me wonder if she knew something that I didn’t, and boy was I right. Shortly after Dr. G’s announcement of preparing for the ‘inevitable’, a decision to operate had been made by the other neurosurgeon and after surgery was completed, Tom and I ran into Dr. G in the hallway. He expressed how glad he was that it all worked out and that he really didn’t think Carl would make it. I girded myself for protection against any negative comments and then he said, “I understand how hard it is for you as a (daughter) to see your father in such a horrible condition. I have a daughter myself and if she would have seen me like that she would have been devastated, too.”
Tom and I looked at each other in shock, realizing this doctor didn’t even know that I was Carl’s WIFE! If he had read the chart, he would have seen “spouse” next to my name. What else didn’t he see on the chart? Had he even looked at it? I interrupted his little speech by correcting him as to who I was and with that we turned and walked away, leaving him standing in the hallway.
I told nurse Kelly that I would like to have him removed from the care of my husband since it was now clear he had not been paying attention to multiple details. Kelly turns to me and says, “Don’t worry Mrs. Ackerman, I have already taken care of that”.
If you are working with a doctor like this, keep in mind that…SOME doctors are just rude, seeing patients as nothing more than bodies, so if you have a Dr. G. taking care of a loved one, the first step is to address the doctor directly. Tell him or her how you’re feeling. Truth hurts, but the type of delivery can soften the blow in times like this. If nothing changes, file a formal complaint to the hospital administration. It is completely acceptable that you and your loved one are due to receive competent care and be treated with common courtesy.